Grandparenting

In my experience having a grandchild is great. My husband and I get to enjoy the excitement and enchantment of a new life, but this time without the added worries of work, paying bills and keeping a roof over our heads. We now have the chance to stop and enjoy every new thing our grandchild does. Their first laugh, word, and step.

My husband looks after our grandchild one day a week. We’ve nicknamed this day ‘Tuesday Club’; it has a membership of 2. They go to the park, enjoy a baby chino in coffee shops on the Hoe, dig in the garden and, as my water bill now shows, play with a vast amount of it!!

There are very few rules! The bond they have is strong and it is clear to see how much they enjoy each other’s company.

The question is are they just having fun…or is there more to it?

There are Fewer Rules

“Kids are highly capable of understanding challenge, and they need it, it’s part of their cognitive development” - Gaynor Rice, early years professional and co-writer of We’re OK With Risky Play!

The few rules they do have focus mainly on safety and meeting basic needs. Don’t touch hot things, tell granddad if you want to go upstairs, ask for help if you need it, and always have a kip in the afternoon (this last one I think may be more for granddad’s benefit!). The rest of the time their focus is on exploring and playing. Having fewer constraints allows our grandchild to experience success but also take risks, so building resilience. Granddad is far more likely to let them climb up a ladder or use a saw than I would.  

Chances to Practice Social Skills

Tuesday Club has regular outings. They go to the park, coffee shops, the supermarket and visit friends. When they go out there is no rush, so anxiety is kept to a minimum. They take time to look at their surroundings, talk to other families or the person serving them in a shop. They always eat together and share food (this has certainly improved my husband’s intake of fresh fruit and veg). These are opportunities to role model expected behaviour; being patient, taking turns, making choices, practicing speaking and listening

Learning about Emotions

Granddad is big on telling stories about his life and things he has done. They also spend hours looking after dolls and soft toys, feeding, bathing, putting them to bed and cuddling them. Our grandchild likes their toys to enjoy the things they do. So, the toys get taken out into the garden where they will be put on the swing and pushed down the slide. Favourite books are read and re-read. Dogger by Shirley Hughes is the book of the moment. It’s about a boy, Dave, who loses, but then finds his favourite toy. Learning about the lives of others is thought to help foster emotional intelligence and empathy in children. A 2016 study found that children who have an emotional closeness with a grandparent are less likely to suffer from depression as adults.

Cognitive Development

As well as play, our grandchild will be involved in everyday tasks. Helping to load the dishwasher, washing machine or lay the table for meals. Granddad will give a running commentary as he is doing things. There is a continual chatter going on between them. These activities are then mimicked in role play. Many pretend cups of coffee and wooden biscuits are consumed on a Tuesday. These types of activities are thought to strengthen the Theory of Mind (Weisberg, 2015) helping children to develop the language to communicate not only their needs and feelings, but those of others. When driving in the car they will sing along to 1970’s hits, along with nursery rhymes or songs with actions, the latter are thought to also improve children’s cognition and co-ordination (Supartini & Weismann, 2020).

Benefits to the Grandparent

Some research indicates that there is a benefit to the grandparent’s health and wellbeing because of time spent with their grandchild. Tuesday Club requires my husband to be physically active. Our grandchild is continually on the go. Will run, rather than walk and then want to be carried. A 2007 study provides evidence that physical activity has positive effects on brain health. Our grandchild is a toddler, so their attention span can be short, or they can become frustrated when struggling to do something or be understood. This means that a lot of the time my husband must think on his feet and problem solve. The ‘use it or lose it’ theory of cognitive aging suggests that the more we engage in higher order cognitive functions, like problem solving and critical thinking, the sharper they become. This then acts as a buffer against cognitive decline (Hultsch et al., 1999).  

In conclusion, like most grandparents, my husband just loves to spend time with his grandchild, and when they are together their needs and feelings are his top priority. The fact that what he does is underpinned by numerous studies and hours of research is a reassurance that most of the time we grandparents are doing the ‘right thing’.

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